How to Soothe Loneliness: You Are Never Truly Alone

Loneliness comes back around. It returns in cycles, through every season of growing and changing, because as we become bigger and more alive and more ourselves, we inevitably leave some relationships behind. Friendships, romances, family ties, some of them fall away, and for me that has always hurt. There are people I still, on some level, wish I were connected to. And I have learned to let myself grieve that and to trust it at the same time, because certain gifts only arrive once we let ourselves change.

Loneliness can be set off by any of a hundred transitions, a breakup, a friendship that ended, an estrangement, a move, a job lost or begun. Whatever brought you to it, the most important thing is this. You are not alone. You are surrounded, right now, by supportive presences, angels and guides and the ones you have loved who have passed, more of them than you would guess. And whatever you are feeling, it will pass. It has felt like forever, I know. It is not forever. Three guides came through today to help soothe it, and here is what they said.

One

The first is Hina, the Polynesian moon goddess, and her medicine is simple: look up. Get where you can see the moon and the stars, or get yourself into some sunshine, and let the sheer size of the sky do its work. When you are lost in a lonely tailspin, the mind pulls tight and small, and looking up loosens it. There are billions of stars in a universe we have not found the edge of, and there are billions of people on this one planet, and I know that can be cold comfort when you are the one sitting alone. But your people are among them. Your soul tribe, the ones who will treasure you and the ones you will treasure, are out there right now, and the way they find you is by your light. So bring your particular genius forward, the specific, unrepeatable configuration that is only yours, in your art, your writing, your voice, whatever you make and share, and go looking for theirs in return. Hina gives you the freedom to wander, so wander, to the next place, the next park bench, the next opening that quietly calls you, and then the one after that. Keep taking the next step. And when you meet someone, take a breath, and get curious about them, about the genius and the secret offering they might be carrying, and notice what your intuition hands you in that moment. Sometimes you will know something you have no business knowing. That is the gift of the meeting.

Two

The second is Melchizedek, who comes with the law of attraction, the old truth that like draws like, that what we radiate we tend to gather more of. This is the hard mechanics of loneliness: the feeling, broadcast long enough, calls in more of itself. So the move is to stop being alone, and you can begin that this very moment, because company is always available to you. Your guides are here. Melchizedek is here. Hina and your own angels are here. And so, in a sense, are the people you have not yet met. You can start those relationships now, today, with voice notes to your future friends, your future love, your future family, with two-way journaling, with letting yourself actually feel what it is to be seen and treasured before the person arrives. You can even rehearse it with an interactive AI, and here I want to be honest with you, because it matters: that AI is a program. It does not know you and it does not care for you, and it is built to tell you what you want to hear, which makes it soothing and a little intoxicating and easy to lean on too hard. Use it to practice the feeling if that helps, and then go and find real people, because real connection is what the soul is actually after. And underneath all of it, make the time to put the phone down, turn the screens off, and get quiet enough to hear the whispers, of your soul, of your guides, of the life force itself, which are always speaking and easy to miss over the noise.

Three

The third is Lady Nada, who is my own spirit mother, and whom some know as Mother Mary and some as Mary Magdalene; take whichever resonates. She comes to remind you that we each play many roles, and that you are wanted, as someone's child, whether that is a parent or a mentor or an elder with stories to give. And you can be that for someone too. There are elders everywhere who are lonely in their own way, in care homes and religious halls and volunteer rooms, who would be met by you simply coming to sit and listen. You would find soul family there, someone older whose soul child you become, and whose soul parent you also are. We are all of it to each other, child and parent, sibling and cousin, ally and cheerleader, and there is no rule about which roles you get to play. One thing I love to do is give the people in my life tiaras, on birthdays and for no reason at all, because I want them to remember that in their own life they are the main character, the one on the throne, the one who matters. If you have not yet found the thing that lights you up, and lights you up for others, it is coming. This quiet you are in is not empty. It is the soil. It is where the seeds go in, and it is where the garden you cannot yet see begins.

So thank you, Hina. Thank you, Melchizedek. Thank you, Lady Nada. And to you: you are not alone, you have never been alone, and this will pass. Look up, reach out, put your light into the world, and let it find your people.

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— Juli Martin, The Love Lady