Ask yourself where the love is today, and some days nothing comes back but static. Here is what to do when the most loving next step will not show itself.

There is one question worth asking yourself every single day, and it takes about thirty seconds. Where is the love today? Where is the most loving thing, the most self-loving, partner-loving, child-loving, friend-loving, family-loving, community-loving thing this day is calling you toward? Most days something rises up in answer, clear and simple. But some days you ask, and all that comes back is static, a thud, a kind of stickiness in the line between you and the great mystery, and no answer arrives at all.

That is the frustrating part, and it tends to happen exactly when you are most tired, most stressed, most strained, when nothing is flowing the way you wish it would. So here are a few gentle ways to jar the answer loose on the days it will not come on its own.

One

Start with the question itself, and ask it honestly. Where is the love for me today? What is the most loving thing I could actually do? Here is the aside the mystery keeps asking me to pass along. Often the most loving action is the one you do not want to see, because it goes against your nature. For me, almost always, that answer is rest. Slow down. Stop. Lie down. Close your eyes. Take the nap. I want to get after it and push the day forward, so the loving thing, for me, is to be still. For you it may be the exact opposite. Maybe you are content and quiet and happy to stay in, and the loving thing you are being called toward is to go out, to call a friend, to join something, to sit in a coffee house and actually talk to a stranger. When the answer does not come right away, it is very often because it is the thing you resist.

Two

When the question comes up empty, try automatic writing. It is simply a two-way conversation with the great mystery, and the two-way part is what matters. Write your question down, and then let whatever wants to answer come through, and write that down too. At the beginning it can feel like you are making it up, and I will be honest with you, sometimes you are, and sometimes you will write I don't know, I don't know, I don't know for a while, until your mind gets tired of being in the way and finally slips aside. What comes after that is the part worth waiting for. And a word about that voice. I do angel mediumship, I speak with all kinds of energetic beings, and still, at the core of it, I do not know, and none of us do. We live in an age of projected certainty, and we are a very young species on a very small planet, and any honest scientist will tell you the same thing, that what we know is a single drop and what we do not know is the whole ocean. So I call it the mystery on purpose. It keeps me honest, and it keeps the door open.

Three

Another doorway is to clear your energy. Smudging is the old, simple way: light some sage or palo santo or a stick of incense, anything that carries a little smoke and scent, and let the smell and the sight of it draw you back into your senses. Waft the smoke under one foot, then set that foot down and feel the floor, the ground, the earth holding you, and remember that gravity itself makes you one with this planet. Do the other foot. Then take the smoke everywhere, behind your back, behind your knees, under your arms, around your head, the whole of you. As you go, let it carry off whatever no longer serves, and consciously disconnect from it, from the person who has been troubling you, from the worry, from the sense of unease, from anything you do not want in your field. When you are done, and this does not have to be a long ritual, set the smudge down, close your eyes, feel your feet on the ground for ten seconds, rest in the quiet, and then ask again where the love is today. Notice what the mystery wants to say now that the line is clearer.

Four

And when thinking has gotten you nowhere, stop thinking, and follow the flow. Move your body to a little music. Or picture yourself floating down a slow, shallow, warm river in an inner tube, the kind you could stand up in any time you wanted, except you do not want to, because it is carrying you gently along all on its own. That is the pace to want for your day, or your next hour, or your next fifteen minutes. Instead of forcing the to-do list, ask where the current wants to take you. Where is the next bend? Where is the next little sandy beach you might pull over to, and rest, and have a small sweet moment with your day? Wherever you drift to next, that is where the love is. That is where it has been waiting for you all along.

If you try one of these, I would love to know where the love turned up for you, and what it asked of you. Leave a note below. And if someone you love has been running on empty, ask them where their love is today, and send this along to them.

— Juli Martin, The Love Lady